Affair Recovery
If you are reeling from the news of your partner’s affair, you are likely to be experiencing a profound loss of:
- Identity. "I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I don’t know who I am married to."
- Sense of Specialness. "I always thought we had something special together. Now I feel so disposable." "I feel like our whole marriage was a lie and I never really mattered."
- Control over your feelings. "One minute I’m enraged, the next I think I’m going to be alright, and then the next I can’t stop crying."
- Control over your thoughts. "I feel like I am going crazy. No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about the affair."
- Control over your actions. "I keep calling her number and hanging up. I’m doing things I never thought I would."
- Sense of order and justice in the world. "How could God do this to me?"
- Connection with others. "I feel so alone." "I’m too humiliated to tell anyone."
- Direction in your life. "I don’t know what to do next."
- Sense of security. "What’ll happen to my children?" "How do I sleep or eat with all this going on?"
If you have HAD an affair, you may be....
- Experiencing guilt and remorse.
- Desperate to keep your marriage together.
- Unable to decide which relationship to break off.
- Tired of all your partner’s questions.
- Angry about your partner’s inability to get over it.
- Concerned about your children.
- Grieving over the end of the affair.
- Relieved that you no longer have to lie.
When an affair is finally discovered, the partner who strayed from the marriage often experiences a separate crisis. This partner, too, may be caught in a maelstrom of emotions, confused and unsure of how to move forward. You don’t have to go through this experience alone. Even if your partner is unwilling to join you in therapy or if you have decided to get through this alone, you may benefit from someone with expertise in dealing with infidedlity.
Don't Go One More Day Feeling Like This...
THERE IS HOPE. It is possible to HEAL after an affair. AFFAIR RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE! I have worked with many couples who have rebuilt their relationships and some have reported that their marriages were stronger and more intimate after the affair.
There are three stages involved
in
healing from an affair:
- Normalizing feelings/regaining a sense of equilibrium - After being hit with the news of an affair, emotions are intense. You might be feeling rage one moment, sadness and grief the next, and total confusion throughout. This stage focuses on helping you regain some sense of calm and equilibrium.
- Deciding whether to stay or go - When the initial impact of the discovery wears off and you feel can begin to think clearly again, this stage focuses on helping you sort through the many consequences and implications of the affair so you both can decide if you want to repair the relationship.
- Rebuilding your relationship - This stage of healing focuses on reestablishing trust in the relationship and helping couples look forward and examine what kind of relationship they want to have.
Research shows that openly talking about the affair is one of the most important factors in healing the relationship and yourself. Often it is helpful
to have a professional and objective third party help you navigate such emotionally roiling waters If you are struggling with this kind of crisis, and feel like you are sinking or drowning, please get help, if not from me, then from someone.
Don’t wait. I’d be happy to talk with you about your concerns.